Cracked on High School High School is divided into 4 seperate sections, or "years." These so called "years" each form a layer of sediment on the desert wastland of your mind. For those of you who still can't grasp such concepts as "years" or "time" or "panda," then we've somehow found a way to break it down even more easily, year by year: Freshmen are scum. There is no getting around that simple fact. When they enter High School, first year students will be treated like something nasty and foreign wiped off of Dick Cheney's shoe. If you are becoming a Freshman, prepare yourself for a year of random humiliations, degredation, and physical violence. For those of you from a rough household, then Congratulations! It'll be just like home! for those of you who aren't you will be expected to carry books for older students, open doors for older students, and occasionally massage the feet and scalps of older students. Life is tough, and Freshmen must be tougher! 2. Sophmore Year So you've survived being a Freshman. Whoop de doo. As everybody knows, there's only one thing to do after a year of harsh humiliation and brutality: return the favor to the new younger breed. Odds are that the greatest abusers of Freshmen will be their Sophmore peers who wish some sort of justice from an unloving Universe. Sophmores are equally miserable when they learn how easy they had it as a Freshman compared to their new level of work. So that's good new for younger students: a sleepy Sophmore, exhausted from nights of labor, is less likely to summon the energy to punch you! 3. Junior Year Consider this the deep breath before the plunge. If you were a year younger even, you'd have laughed at the thought of the word "plunge." But as a Junior, you will spend all your time quivering in fear of the year to come. 4. Senior Year Good Job! You surived the three tiers of Hell and emerged nearly unscathed! You can relax now, right? No, you fool! Now the work escelates to a level that you no longer sleep, eat rarely, and only take a breath every third or fourth minute. And that's without the added pressure of getting into college. Rejection hurts like a facial slap to the balls. And try explaining to your parents why you might be living with them for the next couple years. Classes, or High School is famed for promoting you to learn four different languages: Spanish, Latin, French, and Douchebag. Of all of these, Latin is by far the most useless, considering that those who spoke it (the ANCIENT Romans) are either dead or safely locked away in the Vatican where they can't hurt you anymore. Spanish is useful for a variety of reasons (such as ordering tacos, ordering burritos, and swearing at your neighbor), and is spoken in several countries. French is useful for artsy types who dream of studying artsy stuff and some artsy college in France. Sufficient to say, many of these people will also be fluent in Douchebag. For some, it will be the easiest class. For others, it will be the hardest. You will read books with little to no relevance and scan them for details in hopes of finding a deeper picture and filling your life with meaning. A good example is class novel Ethan Frome. In it, Ethan is a sad, lonely man. Are you trying to find George Washington on a map? Who knows? On the bright side, this class tends to have the best teacher. Nike Roshe Run Army Green Meihei ,Nike Roshe Run Wolf Grey Carton Green Nike Free Run 3 Anthracite Gray Reflect Silver New Green Women Nike Roshe Run PRM Women Red White Sail Quilted Nike Roshe Run Power Blue Dark Blue Yellow Quilted Women Nike Free Run 2 Anthracite Black Red White Men Nike Free Run 2 Anthracite Black Red White Women Nike Free 4.0 Dark Grey Reflect Silver Fireberry Men Nike Free Run 5.0 Turquoise Volt Fiberglass Anthracite Nike Roshe Run Men Volt Cool Grey 1. We don't have enough annoying strangers in our lives. That's not sarcasm. Annoyance is something you build up a tolerance to, like alcohol or a bad smell. The more we're able to edit the annoyance out of our lives, the less we're able to handle it. The problem is we've built an awesome, sprawling web of technology meant purely to let us avoid annoying people. Do all your Christmas shopping online and avoid the fat lady ramming her cart into you at Target. Spend $5,000 on a home theater system so you can see movies on a big screen without a toddler kicking the back of your seat. Hell, rent the DVD's from Netflix and you don't even have to spend the 30 seconds with the confused kid working the register at Blockbuster. Get stuck in the waiting room at the doctor? No way we're striking up a conversation with the smelly old man in the next seat. We'll plug the iPod into our ears and have a text conversation with a friend or play our DS. Filter that annoyance right out of our world. Now that would be awesome if it were actually possible to keep all of the irritating shit out of your life. But, it's not. It never will be. As long as you have needs, you'll have to deal with people you can't stand from time to time. We're losing that skill, the one that lets us deal with strangers and tolerate their shrill voices and clunky senses of humor and body odor and squeaky shoes. So, what encounters you do have with the outside world, the world you can't control, make you want to go on a screaming crotch punching spree. Oh, yeah. Right in the crotch, buddy. 2. We don't have enough annoying friends, either. Lots of us were born into towns full of people we couldn't stand. As a kid, maybe you found yourself in an elementary school classroom, packed in with two dozen kids you did not choose and who shared none of your tastes or interests. Maybe you got beat up a lot. But, you've grown up. And if you're, say, a huge DragonForce fan, you can go find their forum and meet a dozen people just like you. Or even better, start a private room with your favorite few and lock everybody else out. Say goodbye to the tedious, awkward, painful process of dealing with somebody who's truly different. That's another Old World inconvenience, like having to wash your clothes in a creek or wait for a raccoon to wander by the outhouse so you can wipe your ass with it. The problem is that peacefully dealing with incompatible people is crucial to living in a society. In fact, if you think about it, peacefully dealing with people you can't stand is society. Just people with opposite tastes and conflicting personalities sharing space and cooperating, often through gritted teeth. Fifty years ago, you had to sit in a crowded room to see a movie. You didn't get to choose; you either did that or you missed the movie. When you got a new car, everyone on the block came and stood in your yard to look it over. You can bet that some of those people were assholes. Yet, on the whole, people back then were apparently happier in their jobs and more satisfied with their lives. And get this: They had more friends. That's right. Even though they had almost no ability to filter their peers according to common interests (hell, often you were just friends with the guy who happened to live next door), they still came up with more close friends than we have now people they could trust. It turns out, apparently, that after you get over that first irritation, after you shed your shell of "they listen to different music because they wouldn't understand mine" superiority, there's a sort of comfort in needing other people and being needed on a level beyond common interests. It turns out humans are social animals after all. And that ability to suffer fools, to tolerate annoyance, that's literally the one single thing that allows you to function in a world populated by other people who aren't you. Otherwise, you turn emo. Science has proven it. 3. Texting is a shitty way to communicate. I have this friend who uses the expression "No, thank you," in a sarcastic way. It means, "I'd rather be shot in the face." He puts a little ironic lilt on the last two words that lets you know. You ask, "Want to go see that new Rob Schneider movie?" And, he'll say, "No, thank you." So one day we had this exchange via text: Me: "Hey, do you want me to bring over that leftover chili I made?" Him: "No, thank you" That pissed me off. I'm proud of my chili. It takes four days to make it. I grind up the dried peppers myself; the meat is expensive, hand tortured veal. And, now my offer to give him some is dismissed with his bitchy catchphrase? I didn't speak to him for six months. He sent me a letter, I mailed it back, unread, with a dead rat packed inside. It was my wife who finally ran into him and realized that the "No, thank you" he replied with was not meant to be sarcastic, but was a literal, "No, but thank you for offering." He had no room in his freezer, it turns out. So did we really need a study to tell us that more than 40 percent of what you say in an e mail is misunderstood? Well, they did one anyway. How many of your friends have you only spoken with online? If 40 percent of your personality has gotten lost in the text transition, do these people even really know you? The people who dislike you via text, on message boards or chatrooms or whatever, is it because you're really incompatible? Or, is it because of the misunderstood 40 percent? And, what about the ones who like you? Many of us try to make up that difference in sheer numbers, piling up six dozen friends on MySpace. But here's the problem . 4. Online company only makes us lonelier. When someone speaks to you face to face, what percentage of the meaning is actually in the words, as opposed to the body language and tone of voice? Take a guess. It's 7 percent. The other 93 percent is nonverbal, according to studies. No, I don't know how they arrived at that exact number. They have a machine or something. But we didn't need it. I mean, come on. Most of our humor is sarcasm, and sarcasm is just mismatching the words with the tone. Like my friend's "No, thank you." You don't wait for a girl to verbally tell you she likes you. It's the sparkle in her eyes, her posture, the way she grabs your head and shoves your face into her boobs. Nike Roshe Run Army Green Meihei,Recent Staff Blog PostsMore green in wallets, less green in parksBlazers In FIBA World Cup: France Upsets Spain 65 52 To Advance To SemifinalsIt's Vancouver Brewfest time!Soccer analysis earns blogger some recognitionSay 'No' to the Pasta PassMaking a racket: First week of prep tennisSmelt season to be proposedMcMorris Rodgers, highest ranking woman in GOP and mentor to JHB, accused by staffer of ethics violationsNorthwest football standings and schedule ( Week 2)Daniel Weaver, 64, of Salmon Creek said Tuesday that he wants to overhaul the county's property assessment system to reflect more detailed data about trends in particular neighborhoods."They're taking more of a global approach, combining neighborhoods," said Weaver, who said he's sat on the county's Board of Equalization, hearing property appraisal appeals, for six years. "That works when you're in a relatively stable market."In the volatile housing market of the last few years, Weaver said, that system has caused assessments to lag too far behind property values."You're going to see certain neighborhoods that have just dropped like a rock, and it's going to take a while for assessments to catch up," Weaver said.Weaver plans to run as a Republican in the nonpartisan Aug. 17 primary. He'd be the third Republican in the race to replace incumbent Democrat Linda Franklin, along with Peter Van Nortwick of Salmon Creek and Bill Jameson of west Vancouver.Franklin has not yet officially declared that she will run for re election.Born in Oregon, Weaver said he lived in Southern California, New York, Los Angeles and Philadelphia before moving to Salmon Creek in 1998.He worked as a certified public accountant for Arthur Young now Ernst and Young for 15 years, then served as chief financial officer of two private security firms.He's also taken on entrepreneurial ventures of his own, recently remodeling a building in Anaconda, Mont., into a strip mall. Weaver also serves on the Clark County Railroad Advisory Board.The full time assessor job pays $93,313 annually.Weaver cited his management experience as a strength."I've been involved in profit oriented entities, so profit was the goal," he said. "And here, customer service is the goal that is, providing service to our taxpayers."Weaver said he doesn't think he'd chafe at government's checks and balances, even after so many years in private management."As I've grown older, I think I've become a little slower myself," Weaver said, brightly.Help / SubmissionsSend us a News Tip or PhotoSend a Letter to the EditorSubmit an EventSubmit a Weekend EventHave you seen?Clark County HistoryNewspapers in Education
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